I’ve avoided posting about “failing” campaigns because I’ve noticed a pattern of I failed at X, but then I tried harder and won. While it is so amazing that you are sharing an inspiring story, I feel like it skews things. Sometimes you fail and that is it. The end. You failed. No bounce back, and you have to sit and marinate in that and just be okay with it. I have several bounce back stories but I would rather just share my pure failures for #MentalHealthMonth
1. Broken engagement. I couldn’t fix this; it fell apart. Failed. I still haven’t found the love of my life and ironically today is my wedding date anniversary.
2. I’ve spoken at several critical care conferences in the past but I put in three lecture topics to SCCM and six to chest last year. They were all rejected.
3. I can’t maintain my weight. It’s annoying. I call this the failure roller coaster.
4. Several patient cases. Could I have saved them? No. Would they have died anyways? Probably. I’m not sure. I’m not God, but it certainly feels like I failed when I tell the family their loved one just died. Not all families take the news well. Sometimes they scream at you and say mean things and you can’t calm them down. There’s no coming back from death. No second chance. They feel what they feel, and you can’t always bring comfort. It sucks.
I’m not writing this so you can boost my moral in the comments below; I’m just being honest. I’m writing this so you know you’re normal. Just marinate in your failure. You will be okay. There doesn’t need to be an epic win afterwards. Maybe your story will be “I failed my exams and didn’t get into residency so now I’m a consultant.” That works too. We don’t talk about death and failures honestly. I worry about the suicide risk among us physicians a lot. Sometimes you just fail. Life is still worth living. Don’t let it overwhelm you. You’re still amazing and bring so much joy to so many people! No matter what! You’re worth it!
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Written by: The Female Doc
© 05/02/2018 All Rights Reserved.
