Space issues plague just about every couple at one time or another. For many, it’s an ongoing source of suffocation. The most common sticking points are: how much time to spend together? And how much physical affection feels right to each partner? Regardless of the details of the dispute, the same question is at the core of most of these conflicts:Where does the “us” end and the “I” begin? Finding a balance between togetherness and individuality can be an empowering and enlightening time in a relationship. It can allow couples to understand how time apart can bring their togetherness new life! One way to strengthen this aspect of your relationship is through ’differentiation.’ ‘Differentiation’ in a relationship means that instead of two people paddling the same canoe, each person paddles their own, side by side (encouraging and cheering one another along while focusing on their own canoe). This analogy means that each partner should strive to be a whole, healthy individual who can make positive contributions to their relationship. This ‘space’ coupled with personal goal setting encourages a solid, cohesive sense of self in each person (it is also part of the reason the saying ‘you have to learn to love yourself before you can love another’ gains its popularity). Couples who set out to achieve personal goals and encourage one another to do so create a healthy competitive environment that can push both individuals to strive to be the best version of themselves! It is interesting to note that this process moves us away from assuming that all of our needs are going to be fulfilled by each other; yet we paradoxically may begin to fill the voids we once felt through one another! With this in our hearts, let’s make the intention to break through any potential suffocating barriers in our closest relationships!
Take a moment to think of the ones you love.
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Written by Student Doctor: Navpreet Singh Badesha ©06/16/2017 All Rights Reserved.
Art By: Japanese Photographer Haruhiko Kawaguchi
Inspired by: Jessica DuLong from Psychology Today.
